Clarity or Faith?

I hope it’s no secret that I have fallen deeply in love with my students and our school during the previous six weeks. I’m about halfway through my student teaching journey, including four more weeks of full-time teaching. I can’t believe it. How has it gone by so fast?

However, I’m at a tense place in my life as well. I have a few options as to after graduation plans and I’m not seeing any of them pan out. I don’t have clarity about any of them, and I find myself deeply desiring all of them, if only they would work out. Basically,  I have sent applications to many schools, and I have heard nothing.

Someone said at church this past Sunday that asking God for clarity is not fully putting our faith in him. Faith is when you trust and believe without seeing, and clarity means seeing clearly. It had never occured to me that everytime I asked God for clarity, I took away the joy of learning to trust him. At first, I was completely upset over this person’s statement, but I have started to accept it because it really makes sense. Instead, let me pray for faith. Let me pray for hope in God’s plans. Let me pray for big things, trusting that he will bring about my desire or something so much better.

Sunday night, I went out to dinner with a lady who helped orchestrate my overseas student teaching. She kept asking me my plans for after graduation, and I kept telling her I didn’t know. I grew frustrated that night, and cried out to God: “I can’t do this right now.” And God replied, “I’m not asking you to do it right now.”

I found peace in that fact, that perhaps God was going to pull off another one of his mind-blowing plans. In places of doubt, let us remember, God is good. Let us remember what he has done in our lives up until now. And while I’m remembering, I will have patience. Some schools don’t even post their openings until April. God is good, and his plans are perfect. And he wants me living in the here and now instead of in the future.

One decision I made was that I would be here in Chiang Mai (mentally and physically) until April, and that would invest into these kids while I was here with them. The future was the future. Somewhere along the line, I forgot this decision about worry about after-graduation has overtaken me.

Please pray for me, friends, that I would recommit to these 43 ninth graders and 23 twelfth graders, and that I would spend my time not in worry about the future, but in peace that God holds the future.