How to Avoid Envy

I thought jealousy only reared its ugly head on the playground or in the middle school cafeteria. I never once expected it to follow me to adulthood and marriage. But it has, and it makes me feel quite ugly inside and out.

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My Story

My husband and I have talked about our family and career goals. We have plans that we have prayed about, and we are open to God’s leading in whatever direction he has for us. Yet, I can’t help but feel so jealous of stay at home moms with new babies who live in seemingly perfect neighborhoods. The grass seems greener on the other side.

The funny thing is that I felt this same pang of envy when I was a college student and a recent graduate — before I started dating. It seemed like everyone else had found someone they loved, and I was destined to be an old, single cat lady. Then one day, I woke up with a sense of confidence and almost joy about that “cat-lady” life I had once dreaded. I looked forward to it. I made plans for graduate school and living with my best friends.

Not long after that, a guy I had met in college sent me a Facebook message. We chatted. Later, he asked for my phone number; after that, a date. Fast forward a couple years, and he asked for my hand in marriage.

It was definitely not instantaneous. Become satisfied with being single and God will magically grant you a boyfriend… is a terrible way to live. However, I became less jealous of others when I saw the beauty in my own situation. At that time, I worked with two wonderful, strong, older, and very independent single women in two separate settings. Their lives encouraged me to live my singleness to the fullest, and I began to appreciate them.

Today, as a happily-married woman, I find other things to keep me envious. It’s ugly, and I hate it. I know that God hates it, too.

How can I (and you) avoid it?

I already mentioned the first way: Relish what you have. Rejoice in your current place. Just as the wonderful single women in my life encouraged me to enjoy my singleness, so the married women in my life can also encourage me to make the most of these days. Are you a working mom wishing you were home? Or a homeschooling mom wishing you had a career outside the home? Maybe you’re a high school student waiting for the day you can leave home… Or a wife hoping for fertility. Who is in your same spot? Find them at church, in a Bible study, on a blog, at the gym, at school or work… The opportunities are endless. Find the joy in today and relish it. Encourage each other to celebrate today, because this too is the day that the Lord has made.

Romans 12:15 urges its readers to rejoice with those who rejoice. This doesn’t come easily. A family member of ours gave elaborate, expensive gifts to the family at Christmas time. My husband and I opted for inexpensive books, journals, and shirts. I went into Christmas knowing that our gifts were meaningful and not going to put us into debt. However, when I saw the mounds of presents this person brought in, I became jealous of the money they make and of the exuberant responses they received from family members. But the verse I had memorized so long ago came back to me… Rejoice with those who rejoice. They may make more money than we do, but they sweetly gave of what they had, not hoarding their extra money for themselves. I can rejoice with them instead of harboring envy towards them. 

Finally, a warning to take care of yourself… Obviously, the “rejoice with those who rejoice” includes things like going to bridal and baby showers, attending weddings and graduations, sending greeting cards, and buying presents. But for a person with serious pain and heartache in a specific area, it might be okay to opt out of some of that rejoicing. When a church’s young members all began to get pregnant around the same time, a woman I knew carefully selected which showers she would attend. She had struggled with infertility for a long time and was in a deep place of pain. For her, it was not the pang of jealousy, but the sharp, heart-wrenching stab of hurt. She went to the smaller showers for her closest friends, and had prior commitments during the others. In this way, she was able to care for herself and her emotions, which enabled her to more fully love and celebrate the friends to whom she was closest.

The Fruit of the Spirit

The fifth chapter of Galatians ends by expressing the results of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives: things like love for others, kindness towards those around us, and self-control in our actions and in our hearts. Just prior to that paragraph is a section explaining the desires of the flesh: jealousy AND envy, as well as idolatry, selfish ambition, and dissension. We are called to a passionate love, even towards those we think have everything we want. For in the loving, we cease to be jealous of what they have and, instead, come to celebrate the unique paths where God has placed us.

A Newlywed Christmas {Plus budget-friendly ideas}

It’s our first Christmas season as a married couple, and I’m up at 6am unable to sleep. We’ve been very happily married for six months, and we look forward to many more. However, foraging our way as a new couple and a new family together in this tradition-laden season is difficult! I don’t think I fully knew just how plain weird it would be!

On the other hand, it is also just plain fun. Making new traditions, hanging out with friends, and visiting family are all wonderful this time of year. In addition, my husband is an expert at “lemons to lemonade” circumstances, and we came up with some great Christmas gift ideas that saved us quite a bit. While we’re paying off our college loans and saving for the future, it’s important to work within a tight budget.


Here are some of our strategies for a budget-friendly Christmas:

  • DIY Decorations – I love crafting. We have saved quite a bit of money by making our own decorations instead of buying new. I made our Fall door wreath with $1 fake flower stems and a 40% off basic wreath from Hobby Lobby. The same thing would be cute as a gift for a friend’s home.
  • Hand-Me-Down or Secondhand Decorations – My grandmother gave us a huge tote full of decorations she was not going to use. We sorted out what we could see ourselves using in the next five years and donated the rest.
  • DIY Wrapping – It amazes me how much wrapping paper and other gifting accoutrements cost. We had rolls of brown kraft paper left over from our wedding that I used as wrapping paper this year. I had purchased “Fall” ribbon for 75% off at the end of November and I used it to tie bows around our gifts. (I have also used the comics page of the newspaper to wrap gifts before.) I wrote the recipient’s name on the kraft paper itself with markers. For gift bags, I cut out the image from the front of used Christmas cards and hole punched it to make a tag. Then I wrote the recipients name on the other side and tied it to the bag with ribbon.
  • DIY Gifts – I bake, cook, knit, and write. What better time to put my talents to use than at Christmas? In the past, I’ve done mini banana bread loafs in cute cellophane wrappers. This year, we made my dad chocolate- and butterscotch-drizzled popcorn. It was inexpensive and he loves it.
  • Secondhand Gifts – I know it sounds a little tacky to buy used gifts, but here me out. There is a very nice secondhand bookstore in our area that stocks high-quality books, audiobooks, DVDs, musical instruments, children’s toys, etc. Many of the items are new and the others are gently worn. We were able to find brand new and like new items at this store for a fraction of the cost! They also have a teacher discount, so we were able to save big. There is a wide selection, so it was not shopping only the latest trends either.
  • Free Shipping – Finally, always use free shipping. I signed up for an Amazon Prime account free trial just for the holiday season.  Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial. Anything we weren’t able to find elsewhere for cheaper, I ordered from Amazon.  We did pay for shipping for one item because it was supporting a small business that did not offer free shipping. It was worth it.
  • Start Early – It may too late now, but remember this for next year: If you shop for Christmas around the year, the toll it takes on your December paycheck will be minimal.

I firmly believe that Christmas is about the thought, the care for each other, and the celebration of our Savior… Not about the money spent. With a little bit of planning, our first newlywed Christmas is not going to put us into debt. I’m so excited to be celebrating this season with my sweet husband.

I may use affiliate links in this post. If so, I may receive a commission if you purchase an item from the link. 

Something Perfect

A few years ago, about this time of year, God spoke very clearly to me that He was in control. I was devastated over the loss of something I desperately wanted.  God had removed it from my life, which made me feel completely broken and destroyed. 

But then he spoke to me. He said that his goal is to bring about my good and his glory. He said that by removing what I thought I wanted, he could make room for what was truly his best for me. 

In due time, God’s best for me appeared. And it is perfect for me, in the way only God’s best can be. I’m amazed that he could do something so wonderful for me. 

Tonight, after sharing some of my latest disillusionment and disappointment with my small group, I came home in anger and tears. I was once again devastated and broken. How could God let this happen? How can I go on? How can I keep doing this?

My husband held me for a bit, and then he went to bed. But I couldn’t sleep. I was still angry. That’s when God spoke those same words he’d said to me all those years ago…

My goal for your life is your good and my glory. 

By removing what you thought you wanted, I can make room for my best for you. 

I heard his voice loud and clear. Not audibly, but in my heart, which is somehow even louder. 

Do I want to sit here and trust God? No, not really. My sinful heart wants to worry and fret and strive desperately for control. But God is calling me to let him work his perfect plan. God is asking me to trust him and his will. God has something better even here that will surprise me and delight me and bring about my good and his glory… But it’s coming in his timing and not mine. 

I will trust the Lord for his best for me and those around me. Even here. Even now.